Dear LIN HANRONG
INSURED: LIN HANRONG
GIRO APPLICATION – REJECTED BY BANK
Thank you for your recent application for premium deduction through AIA POSB GIRO.
Kindly note that the Bank has since informed us of the rejection of your Giro application on account of the following reason(s):
SIGNATURE OF DEPOSITOR DIFFERS FROM BANK RECORDS
For your reference, the rejected Form returned to us by the Bank is attached.
Kindly complete and submit the enclosed new Giro application form to us for processing. Please incorporate the appropriate changes to ensure successful approval of the new application.
We wish to advice that it normally takes two months to secure the Bank’s approval of a Giro application. As such, in order to ensure continued coverage, kindly advance premium payment (inclusive of GST), where necessary, to cover this interim period.
Please feel free to contact your servicing agent or our Customer Care Executive at Tel: 1800-xxx-xxxxx should you require any assistance.
We are glad to be of service to you.
As this is a computer generated letter, no signature is required.
I received the above letter informing me of a problem with my Giro application. This blog post shall analyze and critique this letter based on the 7Cs in writing as well as the principals of business correspondence.
The letter started off politely with proper salutation and a word of thanks. By using ‘you’ and ‘your’, the company shows an understanding for the customer. COURTESY pleases the reader and is likely to ensure prompt action. CORRECTNESS is important as it shows that the company takes the trouble to be meticulous through use of formal English and lack of grammatical errors. This reflects the company’s professionalism and seriousness. The letter also displayed CLARITY by including all the facts and CONCISENESS by not beating around the bush. At a glance, the reader understands the problem he faces and the necessary action to undertake. Next, transitional phrases, for example, “as such…” ensure that the letter is COHERENT and COHESIVE. Also, to prevent the reader from blaming them for a possible slow response, the letter was made CONCRETE by stating that “it normally takes two months…” This way, the reader knows when to expect a response. For COMPLETENESS, the writer offered assistance including the phone number for the Customer Care Executive. Not only will this make the reader feel important, he is also assured that help is only a call away.
However, this letter also seems to lack a personal touch. Printing the reader’s name in block letters seems a little rude in my opinion. There was also a lack of complimentary closing to indicate the sender of the letter, merely stating that it is a computer generated letter. These particularly do not help to make the reader feel special.
In conclusion, apart from writing with the 7Cs in mind, it is also necessary to proofread and edit the letter as even minor mistakes like misspelling can diminish the letter’s credibility.
Hey man,
ReplyDeleteI like the way you analysed the letter using the 7Cs. I felt the writer did very well in satisfying the seven writing components. I suppose since it's a computer generated letter distributed to multitudes of clients, the company really has to put in the effort to ensure that the content is very well written.
Personally, I have also received similar letters from companies like DBS and Amazon, where they signed off as 'This is a computer generated letter, no signature is required'. After having read these well written letters and to discover that, well, everybody else will probably get the same thing, it really took away the personal touch. It felt like an anti-climax.
Lastly, I absolutely agree with you about your capitalized name in the letter. To some people, capitalized letters in writing would resemble a 'shouting' tone, and hence like you said, would seem rude.
I guess that's about it. Hope you managed to sort out your insurance!
Abdullah
Hey,
ReplyDeletethanks for the comments! Yup just got it sorted out today.
Hanrong
Hey Hanrong,
ReplyDeleteYou really give a very detailed critique of the letter. I received this kind of letter from banks and insurance companies pretty often too and its really hard to find flaws in them. However I do agree with you that the capitalization of your full name sounds rude to the reader. Besides this, the heading which is also fully capitalised seems rude to me. The heading makes it seems more like a warning letter to me. Other than this point, I feel that the letter is very well written.
Sherri